Stand Up and Speak Out
Milestones Communications is a small PR firm that works with groups
large and small, corporate and non-profit. We also are active in community
service, volunteerism and working pro bono for causes near and dear. This year,
we wanted to commit to helping raise awareness about domestic abuse. Why this
cause and why now? Because we believe our homes should be a place of safety,
love, respect and admiration – for all.
Putting an End to Domestic Abuse
We were moved to action after
seeing an Associated Press report that indicated 1 in 4 women had suffered at
the hands of someone they loved and trusted, someone they’d lived with or had
been in a relationship with. The number was startling to most – to all except
those who work with the victims. And they, across the board, knew the numbers
were higher than most of us imagined. The acts of violence included murders,
beatings, rapes and stalking along with strikes and blows, pushes, shoves and
threats thereof. We realized then that the number of women, children and men
who also experienced domestic abuse of all sorts had to, likewise, be beyond
our comprehension. Consider this:
- On average more than
three women a day are murdered
by their husbands or boyfriends in the United States
- Nearly one in four women in the U.S.
reports experiencing violence by a current or former spouse or boyfriend
at some point in her life
- 20% to 25% of women in
college reported experiencing an attempted or completed rape in college
- Women who have
experienced DV are 80% more likely to have a stroke, 70% more likely to
have heart disease, 60% more likely to have asthma and 70% more likely to
drink heavily than women who have not
As we gave thought to the
unsettling statistics, we realized that we personally knew of those affected.
Perhaps not our BFF revealing blow-by-blow accounts of the latest cut, bruise
or blow, but a relative who has changed over time, a friend who doesn’t have
the same zest for life, a colleague who’s more withdrawn, a church member who’s
nice but distant. Chances are you know someone who’s having a tough time at home. Their lives may be in jeopardy,
they may live in fear, walk on eggshells. Maybe not violent pushing and shoving
- perhaps their reality is more subtle and socially acceptable - but a string of stress-producing incidents,
nonetheless, that keep one on edge and in constant fear that wears one out over
time.
Do you know someone who’s the victim of domestic abuse?
If not,
we’d wager it’s only because they aren’t
talking. And that’s precisely why domestic abuse has the power to make so
many feel so powerless. Because those abused live in fear – of saying something
that will set the abuser off, doing something that will set off a series of
attacks, looking or responding in a way that “invites” whatever it is that
follows. Too often, the abuser puts on a happy face for the rest of the world
but those closest to them encounter a snarling face who somehow believes that
they can make themselves feel better by making others feel worse.
As we took to heart the sobering
statistics, we came to the conclusion that none of us should accept or minimize
abuse in any form. Those who are abused don’t speak up and don’t seek help
because they feel they can’t. The first step in understanding their pain - be
it physical, mental or emotional - is learning more about it. From there, we
can lend our compassion, our care and concern, critical resources and most of
all, intolerance for the inexcusable, the unacceptable and the unfathomable.
Knowing what to look for will make it more difficult for those committing abuse
to continue on unnoticed, unaccountable, or unconcerned.
And let’s not make the mistake of
thinking that it’s just women. These stats include teens, youths and men.
Our goal is to share more in the
months ahead, spotlighting the organizations that work to raise awareness about
domestic abuse as well as speak with those most affected.
Today, we talk with Michelle Robinson-Ritter, executive director of Domestic Violence Services of Southwestern PA.
Tell us more about your
organization.
Domestic Violence Services of Southwestern PA
began providing domestic
violence-related services under the auspices of the YWCA of Washington County
in 1976, followed by the opening of the area’s first domestic violence shelter
in 1980. (Due to the lack of sustainable
funding, the Washington County shelter was forced to close for a brief
period. It re-opened in 1984 and has
been open continuously ever since.) In 1986,
the shelter/domestic violence program incorporated into an autonomous
organization – Washington Women’s Shelter (WWS, Inc.). In 1993, WWS, Inc. began providing domestic
violence services, specifically legal advocacy and counseling, in adjoining
Greene County. In 2010, WWS, Inc., at
the request of two major funders, began providing domestic violence services in
adjoining Fayette County. In 2011, to
more accurately describe our services and
our three-county service area, the organization legally changed our name to
Domestic Violence Services of Southwestern PA (DVSSP).
Services include:
- shelters in Washington and Fayette Counties
- a 24-hour hotline (800-791-4000)
- 24-hour transportation and intake
- information and referrals
- accompaniment
- general advocacy
- in-house group and individual counseling
- individual empowerment counseling for non-residents
- an extensive legal advocacy program
- a structured program for child residents of both shelters
- community support groups for women who have been in abusive relationships
- food, clothing and personal care items and
- an intensive community education and training component that works to both increase public awareness of domestic violence and offer wide-scale prevention programs.
DVSSP also offers transitional housing (Fresh Start program) for victims
of domestic violence and their children, as well as a Satellite Counseling/Legal
Advocacy Office in Greene County.
What drew you to the field? How
did you become involved?
I started volunteering for the YWCA in Washington in 1980. Then, I was given the wonderful opportunity to
work on re-opening the shelter in 1984. Because I was acutely aware of domestic violence as a child, helping to
make sure that there would be a safe place to go in my community for those in
need was a natural fit. Knowing that
victims of domestic violence are frequently blamed for their abuse – WHY
DOESN’T SHE JUST LEAVE? - working
to increase community awareness about the lethality of domestic violence is
crucial. People need to understand that
– as statistics verify - leaving is DANGEROUS. The question needs to be WHY DOES THE ABUSER BATTER?
Why do abusers abuse?
Growing up in a home where family violence is part
of life is one of the reasons. It’s all
about POWER and CONTROL, not about the loss of control. DOMESTIC VIOLENCE is not about ANGER. DOMESTIC VIOLENCE is an intentional choice
designed to maintain POWER and CONTROL in the relationship. DOMESTIC VIOLENCE/INTIMATE PARTNER VIOLENCE
is best understood as a pattern of abusive behaviors—including physical, sexual
and psychological attacks, as well as economic coercion—used by one intimate
partner against another (adult or adolescent) to gain, maintain or regain power
and control in the relationship. It is
not about someone having a bad day and losing it on a single occasion. It’s
about the strategic use of an ever-changing variety of “rules” and behaviors. Batterers use a range of tactics to frighten,
terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, often injure, and sometimes kill
a current or former intimate partner. Abusers abuse because they can.
Is it the victim’s fault?
NOBODY deserves to be abused. The abuse is NEVER the victim’s fault. Domestic Violence/Intimate Partner Violence is NEVER acceptable.
Are there victims who’ve broken
the cycle and what made the difference?
Countless victims have broken the cycle. Having options and support is KEY to victims
living safe, violence-free lives.
Sometimes leaving is a process. Victims need to be able to reach supportive and knowledgeable advocates
who can offer options in a caring, non-judgmental way. The community needs to become aware of the
dynamics of DV and support, not blame, victims.
How can they find help safely?
Domestic Violence Services of Southwestern PA maintains a confidential
24-hour hotline – 800.791.4000 – for victims in Pennsylvania’s Washington,
Greene, and Fayette Counties.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline is: 800.799.SAFE.
What are common myths and
misconceptions about victims?
Myth: Someone has to have the upper-hand in a
relationship. Truth: Relationships based
on mutual respect, sharing, and caring are healthier and more satisfying. Myth: Jealousy is a sign of love. Truth: Jealousy is a sign of insecurity and lack
of trust. Myth: Victims often provoke
violence. Truth: Abusers are responsible
for their violence.
What are the signs of physical
abuse?
The signs of physical abuse are many, including bruises, burns, broken
bones, cuts, abrasions, unexplained marks on the skin, black eyes and
others. Less obvious signs of possible physical
abuse include dizziness, memory loss, too much clothing in warm weather, casts,
bandages, wraps and other methods to “cover up” injuries.
What are the signs of
non-violent abuse?
Withdrawal and isolation are common signs that non-violent/non-physical
abuse – and even violent, physical abuse, too – may be occurring. Silence and a sense of “loss of self” may be
observed as well.
What can friends and family do
to help?
Family and friends can help by paying attention and asking – privately,
away from the abuser - if there is something wrong. Make it evident to
the victim that you care, and you don’t blame them for the abuse. Offer to keep copies of important documents for
them in the event they decide to flee the abuse.Offer to babysit for appointments. Foster their pets. Be non-judgmental. Be supportive of their decisions.
What can the public do to help?
Donate to your local domestic violence program. Become educated about the issue of
domestic/partner violence. Work within
your local schools to make sure children of all ages are informed about
dating/domestic/intimate partner violence. Speak out against the violence. Only through education can we STOP domestic
violence. Encourage everyone – women AND men - to stop accepting/ignoring
domestic violence!
Tell us more about the greatest
success story you’ve seen.
Confidentiality affords safety, so specific stories must not be
shared. Each and every time a victim
really feels that she/he doesn’t deserve to be abused is a great success story.
How can we help your
organization?
Keep working to increase awareness of domestic violence. Spread the word about the availability of
confidential and supportive services.
Encourage others to support their local domestic violence services
program.
What books, movies, or songs
realistically illustrate domestic abuse?
Any book, movie or song that depicts domestic violence as more
widespread that most people think is realistic.
Is there a local organization you
know that’s doing great things in the community to help victims of domestic
abuse? Drop us a line at gwen@milestonespr.com. We’d love to support their cause.
PR/Professional News
